Cultivating Self-Worth from the Inside Out

Our Affirmation for the Week!

I struggle with self-worth. It comes and goes in waves. I credit my yoga and meditation practice for giving me a constant to come back to when I’m doubting myself. These practices help create space between thoughts and reactions, which is such a valuable tool when working on self-worth. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how easy it is to get trapped into tying our identities to a number: how much we weigh, how much we earn, how old we are, how many followers we have on social media, etc. These numbers don’t define us. When we think about it, these numbers are somewhat arbitrary regarding our value. Some jobs are underpaid, and some are overpaid for the work and education someone has dedicated to their profession. Age is just a number; it’s our energy that counts. Weight can fluctuate, and focusing on how you feel and other health markers are more important than just a number on the scale. Social media is a fantasy world that can be unhealthy if used to determine our self-worth or identity.

Yet, we fall into the trap time and time again. We check our likes immediately, have a terrible day when the scale tips in the wrong direction, and let our paycheck dictate how we feel. We must figure out how to love and value ourselves for our intrinsic worth and not from any form of external validation. It all starts from the inside out. How we treat ourselves and what we say to ourselves can make us feel safe and loved, or they can make us feel afraid and unworthy. Experiences we may have had can also chip away at our self-worth, which is another reason to work even harder at tending to our inner world and nurturing our inner landscape to thrive in the outer world as our unique beings.

How do we develop a steady sense of self-worth? I was at a book signing event the other evening with Yung Pueblo. He mentioned the importance of intuition, values, and our nervous system. When we meditate, we listen to that softer, quieter voice inside us. It’s a guide that leads us in the right direction. It’s our gut feeling when we know something is or isn’t right for us. We often override that voice, especially when we don’t take time to get in touch with it regularly.

As a recovering people pleaser, I often ignore that voice and feel the need to put others first. Yet, every time I do this, I weaken my intuition, get further away from myself, and it erodes my self-esteem. Ironically, when I tap into my instinct and what is right for me, I do everyone a favor. I get closer to myself and feel confident about my choices that align with me. I also free the other person or group up to do what is right for them and find a better fit. No one else can tell us what is best for us; we have to discover that ourselves. Our self-worth depends on trusting our intuition and letting it guide us on our path. I sit for twenty minutes twice a day, first thing in the morning and again mid-day. This time helps me connect to myself and observe my thoughts without getting carried away. Over time, my overactive thinking mind settles, making it easier for me to connect with my inner guide and intuition.

When we have a clear set of values, it’s even easier to trust ourselves and align with the important things to us. Personal values are essential because they are key in defining our identity. They shape who we truly are and help us connect with our authentic selves. These values provide a sense of purpose and meaning, guiding our decisions, goals, and how we approach life. Understanding our values gives us deeper insight into who we are and what truly matters to us. I feel safe when I can uphold my values and when I am confident enough to stand up for who I am and what I believe.

I feel lost and upset whenever I stray from a personal belief. I remember trying to fit in during certain times with people who didn’t share my values. I was never a big drinker, nor did I like to stay out late and party. Yet, there were times in my college years and 20s when I’d end up going along with the crowd. I never got much out of it. I was embarrassed to admit I liked going to bed at a decent hour and drinking never made me feel good. I have a strong sense of values when it comes to eating healthy and enjoying things in moderation. The things I used to get teased about or felt left out of often are not good for us. I like to think I was ahead of my time with all of the research now on the negative effects of alcohol on our brains and bodies. Take a moment to write down on a piece of paper your top values. Live in alignment with your values and find others who share similar values and beliefs.

Our nervous system is crucial in how we perceive ourselves and respond to the world around us. When we’re stressed or overwhelmed, it’s harder to connect with our intuition and values. Practices like meditation and mindfulness help regulate the nervous system, allowing us to calm our minds and create a sense of inner safety. When we’re grounded and balanced, it’s easier to trust ourselves and make decisions that align with our true worth, rather than reacting from fear or external pressures. My meditation practice saved me during my stressful divorce. It helped me stay anchored and rooted in myself and in doing what was best for my family.

Self-worth should be rooted in our inner world, not in external markers like numbers or validation from others. Practices like yoga, meditation, and listening to our intuition help create space for us to reconnect with ourselves, grounding us when self-doubt arises. The more we align with our values, the easier it becomes to trust our choices and feel confident in who we are. Our values act as a compass, guiding us toward decisions that reflect our authentic selves. Our nervous system is wise. It will always give us the signals we need when we take care of ourselves and listen to what our bodies are telling us.

When we stray from our values to fit in or please others, we feel lost and disconnected. But when we live in alignment with what truly matters to us, we experience greater peace and confidence. Surrounding ourselves with others who share our values fosters a sense of true belonging and acceptance. We start to choose those who help us feel safe and loved. Our nervous system feels at peace.

Self-worth isn’t something we need to seek outside of ourselves—it’s something we cultivate from within. By consistently nurturing our inner world and aligning with our values, we can develop a steady sense of self-worth that remains unshaken by external circumstances.

Close your eyes, settle into your breath, and repeat in your mind:

I AM SAFE
I AM WORTHY
I AM LOVED

I AM SAFE
I AM WORTHY
I AM LOVED

I AM SAFE
I AM WORTHY
I AM LOVED