I Make Space for Joy
A conversation at Canyon Ranch reminded me why the smallest treats in life are often the most meaningful.
On Friday night I hosted a fireside chat about my book, The Treat Yourself Philosophy, and what unfolded around the fire was something really special. What began as a conversation about wellness slowly turned into something deeper: a reflection on joy, play, and the permission we give ourselves to experience them.
Somewhere along the way, as adults, many of us start putting work before play. We tell ourselves we’ll relax later, enjoy life later, treat ourselves later. But later has a way of quietly slipping by.
During the conversation, I found myself thinking about when my oldest son was little. There were moments when he wanted me to sit in the sandbox and play with him, and instead I was answering emails or trying to finish something for work. At the time it felt necessary. Looking back now, I wish I had climbed right into that sandbox more often.
One woman shared something that really stayed with me. She said that now, as a grandmother, she can spend entire afternoons simply playing with her granddaughter. She described how precious those moments feel.
It made me wonder why we sometimes wait so long to give ourselves permission to enjoy our lives.
Why do we feel guilty about joy?
The Small Treats Matter Most
When we think about “treating ourselves,” we often imagine something big. A vacation, a spa weekend, a splurge purchase. And yes, those things can absolutely be wonderful. Being at Canyon Ranch is certainly a treat.
But what I’ve realized more and more is that the most meaningful treats are often the small daily ones.
One woman shared that she had started a simple afternoon tea ritual that she now looks forward to every single day. Another told us that no matter how busy life gets, she gets into bed at nine o’clock every night and reads for twenty minutes. It’s her way of creating a boundary. Work ends, the day slows down, and she treats herself to those quiet moments.
Then another woman shared a story that really touched me.
After going through a divorce, she had been sleeping on an old mattress her mother had given her. She told us she never imagined she would be able to buy herself a new one. But she’s a school teacher, and little by little she started saving money.
She saved and saved and saved.
Eventually she bought herself the mattress she had dreamed about, an all-organic, comfortable one that felt like a real investment in herself.
She said that now every night when she climbs into bed, she feels so grateful. She sleeps incredibly well, but more than that she feels proud of herself. Proud that she worked hard, saved the money, and gave herself something she truly deserved.
It was a powerful reminder that sometimes the bigger treats make perfect sense too, especially when they become the kind of gift that keeps giving back to you every single day.
Treats Aren’t Just Food
Many of us have been conditioned to think of treats as something edible, like a cookie, a dessert, or a glass of wine.
And those can absolutely be treats.
But there are so many other ways to nourish ourselves.
We can treat all five of our senses. Sound can be a treat, such as listening to beautiful music while washing the dishes. Smell can be a treat, like a favorite soap or candle that makes your bathroom feel like a little sanctuary. Touch can be a treat too, a warm bath or a cozy blanket. Sight can be a treat as well, watching a sunset or stepping outside for fresh air.
Even our minds deserve treats.
For years I loved doing the New York Magazine crossword puzzle every week. It was something I genuinely looked forward to. It challenged my brain and gave me a sense of playful curiosity.
Sometimes we focus so much on physical treats that we forget about the mental, emotional, and spiritual ones that nourish us just as deeply.
Letting Go Creates Space
Another realization that came up in our conversation was this: when we start treating ourselves well, we often begin letting go of habits that don’t serve us.
For example, I used to drink wine more often than I do now. These days it’s much more occasional. And what’s interesting is that when I do have a glass of wine with a friend, it actually feels like a real treat. Not a habit, but a choice.
And waking up the next morning feeling rested and clear also feels like a treat.
When we begin to care for ourselves more intentionally, we often replace habits that numb us with rituals that truly nourish us.
My Mom’s Titanic Philosophy
My mom has a saying that always makes me smile.
She says, “I would hate to have been on the Titanic and skipped dessert.”
It’s funny, but it also holds a deeper truth.
Life is fragile. Moments are fleeting.
Why would we skip the joy? Why would we stand at the edge of the pool and not dive in because we’re worried about how we look? Why would we rush through life without fully experiencing it?
Maybe joy isn’t something we find someday.
Maybe it’s something we make space for every single day.
This Week’s Monday Mantra
So this week’s mantra is simple.
I make space for joy.
When we loosen our grip on perfection, release the constant pressure to always be productive, and allow ourselves moments of play, pleasure, and presence, we create space.
Space for joy.
Space for connection.
Space to actually experience the beauty of our lives.
And often, the most meaningful treats are not the big extravagant ones.
They’re the small daily rituals that remind us that life is happening right now and we deserve to be here for it.
Close your eyes and settle into your breath. Quietly repeat in your mind:
I make space for joy.
I make space for joy.
I make space for joy.
What’s one small way you make space for joy in your day?
Treat yourself to a retreat!
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