Loving Yourself Is the Practice
What meditation taught me about self-love during a season of change
The January after I filed for divorce, I signed up for another meditation training that came into my life at exactly the right time. I didn’t know how much I needed it until I was sitting in that room, learning a Vedic-style meditation practice from an incredible teacher.
The practice was simple and profound. Two twenty-minute meditations each day using a personal mantra that our teacher gave us. The mantra itself wasn’t meant to have meaning. It was more like a gentle signal to drop in.
Our teacher described it this way. Imagine you’re at a birthday party and your goal is to get to your best friend to wish them happy birthday. On the way, people stop you to talk. You wouldn’t ignore them or shove them aside. You’d acknowledge them, smile, maybe exchange a few words, and then keep moving toward your friend.
That’s how the mantra works for me. When my mind wanders, which it inevitably does, the mantra is simply a soft reminder to come back. No judgment. No forcing. Just returning.
The mantra is personal and private. We were encouraged not to share it, not to look it up, and not to give it meaning. The power isn’t in the definition. It’s in the practice. I have been consistently meditating twice daily ever since this training and it is mind blowing to me how impactful it has been.
Before this training, I had spent years meditating in other traditions. My original yoga teacher training included a more Buddhist-style meditation. I’ve also learned from teachers who use everyday mantras, phrases that help shift mindset, invite healing, or offer comfort during grief or stress.
Those mantras resonate deeply with me too. They still anchor the mind, but they can also help bring something to fruition. They can help us fall asleep, stay focused, soften self-criticism, or move through hard moments.
That’s one of the reasons I started guiding mantra meditations on the Peloton platform. They feel accessible. They feel human. They feel like something you can carry with you into real life.
Anything that comes after the words “I am” is powerful. The words we speak, out loud or quietly to ourselves, shape our inner world. They affect our nervous system, our confidence, our sense of worth, and our outlook on life.
I use mantras constantly, in addition to the mantra my teacher gave me. Often, something rises up naturally and brings an unexpected moment of clarity. I use them while working out, when I trained for my marathon, when I need to stay focused, when I need to shift my attitude, and often as I fall asleep.
There are endless ways and places to practice. I love sharing mantras because I hope they’re helpful, and because I know different words land differently for different people.
With Valentine’s Day approaching, I’ve been thinking a lot about self-love.
I’ll be honest. When I was married, I often wished my ex would think to bring me flowers or do something special on Valentine’s Day. Over time, and through my meditation practice, I’ve learned a deeper lesson. I can’t control anyone else’s actions or reactions. I can only keep showing up for myself.
Like the Miley Cyrus song says, I can buy myself flowers.
But it’s more than flowers. It’s tending to our own garden, our own emotions, our own self-care, and our own sense of worth. The longest relationship we will ever have is the one we have with ourselves.
And yet, how awkward does it feel to look in the mirror and say “I love you” out loud? It’s harder than we think.
What I really wanted back then wasn’t flowers. I wanted someone to notice me. To appreciate my quirks, my silliness, my strength, my inner beauty. I wanted someone to remember that I love strawberries for breakfast and notice when we were out, then pick some up on the way home.
That person can arrive when we also learn to do those things for ourselves. When we buy our own favorite organic strawberries. When we treat ourselves with care. When we meet our own needs without guilt or apology.
It all starts with us. That can feel overwhelming, or it can feel empowering.
How can we show up for ourselves today, in this moment, in everyday life, in ways that help us feel supported and worthy?
None of us are perfect. For many years, I was afraid to show any flaws at all. But it’s our flaws that make us human. They’re what connect us. If we never made mistakes, how would we grow or learn?
Accepting ourselves doesn’t mean hiding the parts that aren’t polished. It means allowing all of it. I am a work in progress. We all are. Loving yourself at every stage and every age is the practice. That is the work.
Ultimately, we want someone by our side who can support our growth while doing their own work too. I would love another partner. I also know I still have work to do. If someone enters my life while I’m in that process, wonderful. If it takes longer, that’s okay too. I’m learning to feel comfortable with myself and to love myself more fully every day.
Holidays can stir up a lot of mixed emotions. Whether you celebrate them or not, they’re commercialized and everywhere. Still, one of my favorite childhood memories is making my Valentine’s Day box. I loved decorating it with lace, glue, hearts, and color. I loved expressing my creativity and sharing love with my friends.
Looking back, I don’t remember most of the cards I received. What stayed with me was the joy of creating something that felt like me and offering it to others.
That feels like an important reminder. As lovely as it is to receive love from friends, family, and partners, learning to love ourselves is the foundation. As Whitney Houston sang, it really is the greatest love of all.
These days, self-love doesn’t feel like something I need to declare or prove.
It feels quieter than that.
It feels like returning.
Returning to my breath when my mind wanders.
Returning to my body when I feel overwhelmed.
Returning to myself when I catch myself looking outward for validation or reassurance.
Lately, this is the phrase I’ve been coming back to. Not as a promise or a rule, just as a gentle reminder:
With each breath, I return home.
Maybe that’s what self-love really is.
Learning how to come home to yourself, again and again.
If you want to treat yourself to a retreat with me here are some upcoming dates and locations:
https://www.kristinmcgee.com/retreats-kristin-mcgee
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